Updates !
13.7 It has been quite a while I know but things have been interesting I find over time that being alone isn't the same as being lonely but honestly it is quiet fun being alone and do stuff alone even tho you are lonely. It is monday I will see if any of them two will text me or anything the whole situation feels weird neither of them wants to come forward but I feel if I do it will be "I never said that or did that" On a positive side I am starting to feel like myself and that I can do stuff which i didn't allowed myself because they would consider it weird like I feel more human without them like there is something human in me when isn't someone saying how weird is that I like xyz show while they watch anime like bro you have no right to say a thing in this. About theme of the show I recently started watching the pitt. So far so good I really like it and it is really really good. I think a lot about my gender or more gender identity. As I grow older it starts to become something which is not important to me if someone wants to call me a woman call me that if someone thinks I am man then call me that both feel okay and I think that is okay at least internally I love being femine I love especially dressing femine having femine hairstyles colored haired wearing skirts painting nails and being emotional and artistic but other days I like being masculine and overall I like doing hard work being in mud and working physically and ig stuff which is considered masculine no idea what is wrong with me or what I am. When it comes to my gender it feels weird.I know this is kind of weird analogy but the closest thing I can describe about how I feel about my gender is Virgin by Lorde and that duck tape across the chest and whatever is going in that album about being a woman in weird way. I feel very lorde about my gender and take in whatever way you want
That is all for me today I will try to write more in mean time I am myself and that is what matters most